Wednesday, August 20, 2003
Tired, Busy, Down
I’d be really stressed if I weren’t so tired. The tiredness could be physical, as I’ve been aggressively resolved to getting back into my former shape (or better) via running, yoga, pilates, and the normal magazine page variety of exercises. It feels good to feel little processes running in my body since I’ve gotten it going, but it’s taking stuff outa me that coffee in the morning just can’t help.
I’m trying to get enough sleep, but I think I need more than I’m getting.
I’m pmsing which also makes a girl very tired, and in my case, weaker, and clumsy and blue.
It may be the Pill I’m on—many friends have been on my Pill and it made them depressed, moody and sad. I went off it for one month and felt GREAT physically and mentally except for the lurking fear of what can happen if one is not on the Pill.
I walk to work, takes about 20 minutes. It’s lovely for thinking but today I got stuck in a hamster wheel of negative thoughts. It’s too hot and sticky. I hate the men who look at me as I walk. I think about my high school reunion and how the organizers are so desperate they’re inviting the classes from before and after us. I wonder if they remember that Paul isn’t allowed to come to any school events ever, and if I’ll have to remind them. I think of how I should have made flyers of my face bruised and split, white of my eye turned completely red, so they’d remember, and really know. I was remembering how I had been defending Missy from him. Then I remember years later, saying cruel things to her, about all the ways she’d hurt me and not been a true friend. Remembering the way she told me she didn’t think I should get married to Joe “plus I have all these other weddings to go to” and I couldn’t believe she’d say that along with 7 other lame excuses, I thought she was being egocentric and lazy. I wonder if she’s going to the reunion and if I’ll apologize to her. Not for anything I said, but for how spitefully I said it, and also say yes, yes I divorced him 9 months later.
Mercifully I ran into someone I knew on the street and he stopped my train of thought.
I feel so tired and down. Can’t smile much, don’t feel like talking. Lots to do but I just want to put my head down on my desk and fall asleep to the sound of my breathing.
Here’s my horoscope for today =P
“ Horoscope: Music really can soothe the savage beast, Mia. And if you’re feeling rather savage yourself, turn on some tunes. Dance around, and sing loud and proud. You’ll be amazed at how much these activities can reduce stress and increase energy. Many find it incredibly therapeutic when times are tough and emotions run high. Try it for yourself, and expand your listening range to include many styles of music. You’ll be glad you did!”
Just today I forgot the Ani Difrano - Living in Clip cd that Maria was so lovely as to treat me to, but I’ll have to plug in the headphones and get into a different groove.
Page 1 of 1 pages
