Tired, Busy, Down
I’d be really stressed if I weren’t so tired. The tiredness could be physical, as I’ve been aggressively resolved to getting back into my former shape (or better) via running, yoga, pilates, and the normal magazine page variety of exercises. It feels good to feel little processes running in my body since I’ve gotten it going, but it’s taking stuff outa me that coffee in the morning just can’t help.
I’m trying to get enough sleep, but I think I need more than I’m getting.
I’m pmsing which also makes a girl very tired, and in my case, weaker, and clumsy and blue.
It may be the Pill I’m on—many friends have been on my Pill and it made them depressed, moody and sad. I went off it for one month and felt GREAT physically and mentally except for the lurking fear of what can happen if one is not on the Pill.
I walk to work, takes about 20 minutes. It’s lovely for thinking but today I got stuck in a hamster wheel of negative thoughts. It’s too hot and sticky. I hate the men who look at me as I walk. I think about my high school reunion and how the organizers are so desperate they’re inviting the classes from before and after us. I wonder if they remember that Paul isn’t allowed to come to any school events ever, and if I’ll have to remind them. I think of how I should have made flyers of my face bruised and split, white of my eye turned completely red, so they’d remember, and really know. I was remembering how I had been defending Missy from him. Then I remember years later, saying cruel things to her, about all the ways she’d hurt me and not been a true friend. Remembering the way she told me she didn’t think I should get married to Joe “plus I have all these other weddings to go to” and I couldn’t believe she’d say that along with 7 other lame excuses, I thought she was being egocentric and lazy. I wonder if she’s going to the reunion and if I’ll apologize to her. Not for anything I said, but for how spitefully I said it, and also say yes, yes I divorced him 9 months later.
Mercifully I ran into someone I knew on the street and he stopped my train of thought.
I feel so tired and down. Can’t smile much, don’t feel like talking. Lots to do but I just want to put my head down on my desk and fall asleep to the sound of my breathing.
Here’s my horoscope for today =P
“ Horoscope: Music really can soothe the savage beast, Mia. And if you’re feeling rather savage yourself, turn on some tunes. Dance around, and sing loud and proud. You’ll be amazed at how much these activities can reduce stress and increase energy. Many find it incredibly therapeutic when times are tough and emotions run high. Try it for yourself, and expand your listening range to include many styles of music. You’ll be glad you did!”
Just today I forgot the Ani Difrano - Living in Clip cd that Maria was so lovely as to treat me to, but I’ll have to plug in the headphones and get into a different groove.
A few things: Depression and the pill often go hand it hand you know this. You even said so. And even if you’re sans pill, you may still get depressed before your period. But it’s not nearly as bad. I discovered this recently after saying “no more.” And if you want some help with some other ideas, please let me know.
I am sorry you woke up blue. But I can absolutely relate to such. Only a few days ago, monday I was ready to throw it all in and just head back home again. Even geography was depressing the hell out of me.
I imagine they put people on anti-depressants for less. But I tired that once for a week and yawned about 75 times a day. At least. It was some freakish side-affect I could not deal with. And I’m not sure it was the right idea anyway.
I know it’s hard to know this, but for every down moment, for every ebb there will be a neap when you’ll feel elation and laughter. I try so hard to remember this on the type of day you’re having. But it’s hard. And sometimes impossible.
Condolence, be had. Maybe have some iced tea. It always lifts my spirits.
i would really love to talk to you about pill alternatives because i don’t think i can take this much longer. i’d just have to feel safe enough.
I am trying to stick today out, to control myself. I really want to go home. It’s hard to play off. cubes suck and i don’t want anyone to ask what’s wrong.
Ironically I was put on a mild antidepressant for a month to help me sleep better to treat fibromyalgia. I don’t know if it was the RX, the frustration at feeling like the condition wasn’t being taken slightly seriously but people I told, or just not getting as much gentleness as I (didn’t realize) I needed, but I felt like murdering people. I don’t think antidepressants are supposed to enhance rage. ;)
Thank you so much for understanding. I’m not trying to throw a pity party for myself, but I needed to get it out. I know you understand.
You are so right. This is entirely temporary and it just feels this way right now. It will pass, hopefully as quickly as it came. Your kindness is very appreciated.
Shit, girl, take a personal day. There is no reason to feel that badly and have to stay behind a desk all day.
I know you’re just spilling your thoughts, lord knows I have done it numerous times before. :] talk away, as long as you don’t mind us following along. Sometimes it’s nice to know you’re not alone with your rage/sadness, etc.
dang, it would feel so good to just go home and clean or do laundry in between laying around. i still might. otherwise i’ll find myself just surfing all day and what’s the point of that?
I was quite surprised to see that you commented only because I’m so haphazard about updating. Note also the “cat sitting” photo gallery of your little guys that I put up last night.
Your thoughts were just what I needed, and have helped. It’s sucky feeling like this but helps so much to know that others understand and have been there.
Feels good to spill the thoughts, and feels even better when friends are listening :)
By the way, LOVE the cat pictures. Gave Toby and I quite a laugh. I love the one of Pookum. The first one. So cute. Now I want to pet her again.
That is all. :]
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