Thrash Mettle
The past months have been an emotionally, mentally, physically and/or/also financially rough roller coastery ride for me and mine. There’s hardly been a day where something life-altering hasn’t at least threatened to take place, which then challenged the ability to envision the rest of life from that moment on without a minimum of resignation or abject despair. I paint broad strokes here because my point is neither to describe (and thereby prove or perversely flaunt) the magnificent depth of any of event or any one person’s situation, nor to dwell on it. What interests me is how we go on, working, attending parties, wearing masks, dropping armor, bucking up and being there, to the best of our ability.
It’s the willingness and ability that’s important and amazing to me.
Normal, in this world, is pronounced no - rrrr - muh. The L is silent. I have never had a very good understanding of “normal” as it pertains to moments of daily life. It makes me feel like a bit of a mutant. The closest I can come is quiet, nice, or routine, maybe ritual. In my experience, and for others, this is typically when the world comes to an end.
When I was about five years old, I took the tiny bit I knew of the world and attempted learn how prevent life-altering events. Sunsets, for instance, were beautiful, and happened every day because the Earth was spinning, spinning constantly. God made sunsets and the earth and caused it to spin in this nice way, like me swinging my plastic bucket full of pool water in an arc over my head. I could play with gravity and see this proof. God was bigger than everything and wanted us to love him and always be grateful. It occurred to me I should remember to be grateful when I noticed the setting sun, or God might decide it was not worth his effort to keep the world spinning. Maybe he would stop caring, maybe he never liked having to make the world spin all the time, even if it meant that without gravity we would all go flying off into space. I decided that if at least one person appreciated sunsets enough, we would all be safe, at least as far as this one threat was concerned.
Now I know that the world isn’t going to end, it does end. It is quite normal for the world to end all the time. I’ve stopped trying to control it or fretting over signs of the apocalypse, and why all at once everything goes flying off into the burning void of the airless unknowable. It’s happening in all worlds, and we’re all flying, seeing everyone else is spinning too, thrashed free from the old worlds. The big surprise is finding our true mutant nature once and for all, to let our big secret out. We can breath in space, and are not alone.
Beautiful, mia.
I hope you’re not too, too upset - whatever. Peace, dear dreamer.
Nah, I’m actually ok and feel better than I have in a while (worry is the worst). That’s the relief and happiness I’m feeling now. Everything’s gonna be good and I’m still in love with the new world.
thank you sweetheart, merry christmas.
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