mint jelly

McSweeney's Style Valentine Greetings

If a man told you what he
was thinking and feeling “right now.”
by Mia Eaton.


Cum on feel the noise!

oooh! Cookies.

I’m awesome!

It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.

mmmmm

Please don’t leave me.


The last item in any of their lists is always the clincher.

My friend Erik sent me this: Anti-Valentines, which is awesome because it’s British humour. (note the “u")

Happy VD! i love you all… which is i guess how you get VD in the first place. Damn.

[Update] Here’s a new McSweeney’s of a similar ilk that was published after my spoof. perfection!

Posted by mia on 02/14 at 10:34 AM

  1. As usual, Evany did it best first.

    Posted by  on  02/25  at  03:22 PM

  2. i think i’m tired and a bit slow this morning, because i don’t entirely get which “it” she did first in this context, though I believe you beyond a doubt that she did.

    i wouldn’t be surprised if she was in fact my mother’s first daughter, and is really the person who taught my parakeet to talk, but didn’t make a big deal out of it.

    Posted by mia  on  02/26  at  11:19 AM

  3. For a second I thought I’d commented on the wrong post. But no, she did the “snapshot of what [I’m] thinking” thing first, I meant—right? At the end of that page? But with no dating/Valentine peg.

    Her darling mom would be surprised to hear that Evany was someone else’s kid.

    Posted by  on  02/26  at  11:39 AM

  4. i think my mom sometimes wonders how i’m her kid, so perhaps i’m too used to the changling idea. ok, so maybe i just wish evany was my sister. always wanted a sister :] my mom is awesome and i’m sure evany’s is too. guess it all worked out. my pets would have liked her i’m sure.

    yeah - i’m just too harried this morning - it makes sense. though i think the “what they’re really thinking” writing topic is a universal and timeless thing of curiosity and wonder.

    Posted by mia  on  02/26  at  11:50 AM

  5. The topic is universal, certainly, but I hadn’t seen it in strict list form pre-Evany. Would’ve been cool if Homer had included one alongside the catalog of ships.

    Y’all should see if you can get Mimi Smartypants in on the sister action too.

    Posted by  on  02/26  at  12:22 PM

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